When we were in China, I bragged on Chloe Grace to everyone who would listen..."Fits? Why, no. She's just happy and delightful!" While I do still believe that, now that we're home things aren't quite as hunky-dory. Real life is setting in. The newness is wearing off for the other kids. Chloe Grace is testing boundaries. It's a hard place to be right now - I'm not sure how to discipline her. How do I distinguish between communication barriers and defiance? Obviously, sometimes she makes her defiance very clear. But other times, I think she's as frustrated as we are. I know it just takes time. I know we aren't the only family to be going through this right now. I knew to expect this transitional period for our family. But none of that makes these days easier.
A lot of people ask how we're doing. I always say we're doing well, and I believe we are. Things are certainly going better than I ever expected, having met Chloe Grace less than 3 weeks ago. But I also want to be real about our days and not paint a picture that's inaccurate. It's hard. Chloe Grace cries - often. She's not easily consolable. She's 5 and wants her way all the time.
Last night at bed time she had a royal fit. She didn't want to go to bed. I took her to the bathroom, offered her a snack and a drink. None of that interested her, she just didn't want to go to bed. She laid in bed and cried. I had some laundry to fold & planned to go in and sit with her when I was finished. She got out of bed before then, so I went on in her room. She clung to me like I had been away for days. I couldn't have peeled her off if I tried. So we sat and I held her and rocked her and she did finally settle down. Once she was asleep, I felt bad for letting her cry for as long as she did (it really wasn't long, maybe 5 minutes). She's trying to figure out if she can depend on me to meet her needs and I felt like I had failed her.
She is happy a lot - I don't want to leave the impression that she's miserable all day long. She loves to jump on the trampoline and swim in the pool. She spends at least a third of her waking hours chasing around the dog and/or the cat. She likes to write and color. Often throughout the day she finds me just to give me a hug and a kiss and make sure I'm still here. I've got news for you, sweet girl....I'm in for the long haul. I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be right here, ready to cover you in hugs and kisses, rain or shine!
Merry Christmas!
8 years ago
3 comments:
Hi guys--
Thanks for your earlier comment to my post. Good to know that we are not the only ones experiencing the ups and downs of adjustment. I think the essence of our "real" children are yet to be seen and I can't wait to see who emerges on the other side of some of these difficulties. Sounds like we are on a similar track-- except for the hugging Mama part! I enjoy continuing to follow your blog. I'll pray for your family.
--Jeff
This is new for all of you and you are all making your way through these days and weeks, learning to be parents to Chloe and her learning to finally have parents and siblings. Don't be hard on yourself if you feel like you make mistakes now and then. No one expects you all to be complete and perfect and happy right away, or for months to come for that matter. Take one day, one cry, one smile, one laugh, one fit, one hug, one kiss at a time. Seek God's guidance and wisdom daily and trust the motherly instincts in you. You are doing an awesome job and this time is only for a moment. Treasure every part of it, even the hard parts because one day you'll look back and see how far you all have come together as a family. Praying for you!
Hi Jen!
Just wanted you to know that you are on my mind and in my prayers. (I'm still following the blog and love it since we don't always have time to talk.)
Just remember that you are the best thing to ever happen to Chloe Grace---hope that comes across the way I meant it!
I just had a thought---remember when Madison was about 2 or 3 and was just a big bucket of trouble for you??? Well, maybe that was to loosen you up and practice up a bit for Chloe Grace?? God has his way of sending challenges to us to build patience and "character".
Seriously, you are a great mom and I have no doubt that things will level off for her soon. I can't imagine what's going on inside of her. But you will love her through this and she will be better on the other side of things.
Love you so much! Hang in there and my phone is always right beside me if you need a hotline to talk you down from the ledge!
Elana
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